American Jiggle Machine Award – Part 1 or Please Don’t Get Me These for Christmas

It was in the mid 1940s. Well over half a million American soldiers in and around Belgium were fighting the Nazis in the decisive Battle of the Bulge. Back home, one American was also busy. This guy was inventing and manufacturing the Jiggle Machine. That is that device that vibrates a wide belt one fashions around one’s posterior and jiggles the fat away. No effort required.

The utter uselessness – the Pet Rockishness – of this invention inspired me to conceive of the American Jiggle Machine Award (AJMA). This is the award for the American invention that is at once the most useless and yet somehow most ubiquitous. That is, it’s gotta be a device that is really stupid but somehow everybody has one.

After much research I am happy to announce the results are in. These are the five finalists: the residential trash compactor, the infridge-door ice dispenser, the Sauna Suit, the weighted blanket and the earlobe cell phone thingy.

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